


Paper Cut

by Nadare



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Angst, Complete, Dark, Gen, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadare/pseuds/Nadare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for the anime! Celena has to live with the fact that Dilandau is still alive. In her mind. Can she survive the night?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper Cut

_Author's Note: Here’s a songfic about Celena and Dilandau. As all of you know, Dilandau shifted into Allen's sister at the end of the series. She seemed normal enough, but what if Dilandau was still in her head?_

[Written on November 5th, 2002; Edited 8/16/15]

 Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. Just borrowing the characters for a bit. Neither does the Linkin Park song belong to me.  
\-------------------------------------------  
**_"Paper Cut"_**  
_~_ _I know just what it feels like_  
_to have a voice in the back of my head~_  
  
Celena Schezar clutched her head in pain as a familiar presence announced its arrival. The silverware she’d been grasping in her hands fell to the table, the impact resounding around the dining room. Allen jumped to his feet, running over to support her as she stood shakily. Ever since the end of the war, she'd been having headaches frequently. Celena offered no explanation, just remained silent while she writhed in agony, lines of pain shifting on her face.  
  
Frankly, Allen was starting to get very concerned. Usually, she was happy, almost giddy at times. But lately, her personality had suffered, and her mood turned sour, causing crankiness and constant conflicts between the siblings.  
  
"Brother, it's just a headache," Celena said, trying to smile and assure her brother that she was all right as he examined her closely, fussing over her. "I just need to lay down. Help me to my room?"  
  
_~It’s like a face that I hold inside_  
_A face that awakes when I close my eyes~_  
  
Celena collapsed on the bed, whimpering as the voice giggled inside her head. It seemed to torment her every waking moment. The presence told her of horrific tales, and laughed when she sobbed in response to the gruesome descriptions and horrendous images sent to her inner eye. It refused to go away. I- He seemed as if he was a part of her soul, but she had no idea where this persona had come from. Why did she have a voice on the inside? And an evil one at that?  
  
"Leave me alone," Celena whispered, clenching the covers with long pale fingers as another mental spike was driven into her brain. Beads of sweat began rolling down her face and she gritted her teeth against the pain. "Leave me alone! Gods help me!"  
  
-Why? You might as well get over the fact that you're stuck with me. After all, you took away my body! -  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
-It's your fault that I'm inside your psyche. If you hadn't allowed yourself to get captured by the Zaibach Empire, I wouldn't exist in the first place. -  
  
The mysterious force had never given her information about its origin. What did Zaibach have to do with it?"Dilandau," she muttered, eyes closed tight as another wave of agony struck her. "What did Zaibach do to me?"  
  
-Fate Alteration Experiment. -  
  
A wave of memories hit her mind with the force of an Isapano Guymelef. All her memoirs were shoved aside when remembered pain made her body spasm, and jerk. Screams were torn from her throat, feeling his anguish. His agony. It was far worse than the pain he had been afflicting on her.  
  
The faces of over half a dozen Dragon Slayers staring back at her with bloodied features and flat eyes. Endless cries of pain as one person murdered them all systemically. Van Fanel. Dilandau's hate when the Guymelef approached, the hate escalating into fury as he recalled his friends’ dying cries. Fury twisting into fright as he realized just how deadly the killing machine in front of him was. Escape!  
  
Darkness everywhere. A cold black prison that never failed to make him wish he were dead. If only he were dead then he wouldn't have to deal with the rats that scurried under his feet. Ever-present depression lurked in the depths of his mind, telling him of ways to end it.  
  
Jajuka. A happy memory out of a collection of unpleasant ones that forever haunted him. A dog-man that had comforted him through the pain. Laughter. Rare happiness.  
  
_~So I know that when it’s time to sink or swim_  
_that the face inside is hearing me / right underneath my skin~_  
  
Education. Separation from his beloved Jajuka, who did nothing to fight the Wizards the surrounded them. The joy of wielding a sword, slashing at enemies with deadly accuracy. Dilandau laughed in amusement. The start of endless training sessions to build up his body, which could also be a deadly weapon if trained correctly. The discovery of a fascinating new hobby. Fire. Destruction. Things drilled into his subconscious constantly. Friendship. Dragon Slayers who respected him and looked up to him. The only people who he could relate to in these dangerous times.  
  
Fire. Terror. The thrill of combat. Things that never ceased to comfort him. Screams of tragedy that never failed to put him to sleep.  
  
More pain. Jajuka has returned. Comforting words and reassuring caresses abound. Loneliness. Everlasting pain that seared through his already-crazed brain. Words. Phrases that chilled him to the bone. Fate Alteration Experiment.  
  
Cast away by an unknown force. Banished. Darkness. He despised darkness. A phobia that had haunted him ever since the Wizards had first introduced him to it. Rebellion. Inflicting pain on the body that had once been his. Retribution. Divine justice.  
  
The level of pain in Celena's head lowered to a low hum, and she sobbed loudly. Not only because of her regret, but also because of the events in Dilandau's heartrending life. He had been created for only one purpose, one task. To fight. That was all he had been, a pyromaniac that had dubbed himself a soldier of the Zaibach Empire. A warrior that rarely gave a kind word to his small group of Dragon Slayers.  
  
Endless tears. Tears shed for both counterparts that existed in the mortal shell. Time was momentarily forgotten. Only this moment subsisted and mattered.  
  
Abruptly, Celena sat up, and strolled over to the bedroom door. Turned the lock before she lost her nerve, but Dilandau was lending a hand. He desired what she did. He gave her the extra confidence she so desperately needed. Heading to her dresser, she opened the top drawer. Amid the various clothing was a familiar shape, and a hand quickly closed on the item.  
  
The razor was sharp. Just as they craved. Celena and Dilandau were one now. Souls merged for this one act. Dilandau was happy as was Celena. The first hack, an action of pure violence and suppressed anger. A mere paper cut on the upper arm. A line of crimson trailed down the flesh and stained the white clothing of the dress.  
  
This would finish it. The suffering of both souls.  
  
Furious with fate, Celena/Dilandau cut faster. Deeper. Blood splashed against the white walls of the room. The pair of merged souls felt no pain. It felt wonderful as the blade cut through flesh, and Celena/Dilandau giggled in happiness as a river of red stained the bed, not to mention the floor. Standing rather shakily, they struggled to walk to the door. Dizziness ate at their vision, but they paid no heed.  
  
The lock was very difficult to open. Bloodstained hands had a tendency to make any such task hard. Celena/Dilandau worked at it patiently, and no more than ten minutes later, they fell onto hallway floor roughly. Struggling to get up, they used to the wall for support, staining it with handprints all the while. Time no longer had any meaning. It was only the number of feet they walked.  
  
Stairs. A challenge even to Dilandau. They threw themselves down the flight of stairs with enthusiasm, invisible to the pain that tried to make itself present as the skin was broken and bruised.  
  
The pair of merged souls sighed in relief as they realized they had broken their neck. They would have jumped up and down had their head not been immobile. Instead, Dilandau/Celena cried out in happiness with a two-toned voice.  
  
Footsteps resonated on the floor but it was too late. Time had resumed, and too much blood had been shed. A pair of shaking hands wrapped around their neck carefully as if they could be injured further anymore.  
  
"Allen," Celena/Dilandau muttered raising a hand. "Don't blame yourself. Be happy in this life."  
  
The last words they would ever mutter.  
  
Allen Schezar remained silent as he looked down at his dead sister. Only it wasn't his sister anymore. It had shifted into a mixture of Dilandau and Celena that looked strangely feminine and muscular at the same time. It was disturbing.  
  
Yet at the same time, it was oddly comforting. Celena had not been alone when she had slashed her wrists. This was perhaps why Allen had not run screaming when he had first seen her at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
She had not one soul, but two, and each had agreed on one thing. Maybe that was all that really mattered.  
  


**_The End_ **


End file.
